Dear Patient | cedricsmom's Blog
I chose medicine as my career, because I feel great compassion for those around me who are suffering. My heart is filled with love, and a need to help. I don't have that"I don't give a shit" gene. I do. And when I go home at night you are on my mind. You make me worry, and cry, and laugh, and pray. I take the lessons of my day from you. I learn how to be a little more patient, loving, compassionate...from you. I also learn to be a little stronger, a little tougher, a little more willing to bend from you. Your lives touch me. And I feel that. Deeply.
I listen to your story about a sore throat or a sprained ankle and I am looking underneath...to see if there is another story. One of emotional turmoil, addiction, depression, pain. I believe God put me here to share the love He fills my heart with, with the broken people of the world. I take that task very seriously.
I sometimes wonder how I have anything left to give. Where I find the fortitude to get out of bed and give the very best of me to 40-50-60 of you a day. I think God gives me that too. Because the truth is I'm exhausted, and I am impatient, and I have a short fuse.
I do these things by choice. And I try really hard. I really want you to get better. I really want you to be at peace. I really want to help you. Because I really love you. I know...you shouldn't say that or even admit feeling it to people you don't know. But I love each of you, for who you are, where you're at, with the very best I have to offer. And I do it everyday. I do it for 10-12-17 day stretches sometimes, without a day off.
So, when you accuse me of being selfish and greedy because the corporation I work for insists that after a six month grace period, you pay your bill, that hurts. When you tell me I look at patients in terms of numbers and dollar signs, that bothers me. When you try to trick me into giving you vicodin that you will turn around and sell to high school kids, that will turn around and become abusive to me in the office, because I won't feed their habit it makes me angry.
When I come home from a 12 hour day of people being self absorbed, and rude, and accusatory, and I am exhausted to the point of tears, I feel like I didn't do a very good job today. Because of the way you responded to me, I don't want to come back, and be loving, and spend my evening worrying about you, and hurt over the pain in your eyes. I don't want to love you. I don't want to be filled with compassion. But I do it. Everyday. For you.
So the next time you think that your doctor doesn't care, or is treating you unfairly, or isn't giving you a week off of work under the guise of illness so you can go to Mexico and drink for seven days, remember something...I have your best interest at heart. And I am taking care of you, even when you don't want to take care of yourself. And I have bad days too, and I am still here, filled with compassion that drives me to give the very best of myself to you.
This isn't a rant about my hours, or a complaint about the uglier side of medicine. This is a gentle reminder that I, and most of the doctors, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants I know, really are trying and maybe, you could remember that instead of yelling, storming out, threatening a law suit, or standing in line at the grocery store and announcing the Dr. fill in the blank is a quack. Maybe you could remember that you aren't perfect and you aren't God either.
Previous PostsEmpty House, posted October 25th, 2013
Guardian Angels, posted September 3rd, 2013, 1 comment
Waiting, posted April 30th, 2013, 1 comment
A better friend, posted April 29th, 2013
Rant, posted April 5th, 2013
Dear Patient, posted February 20th, 2013, 2 comments
My Secret, posted January 25th, 2013, 5 comments
Down Dog, posted January 9th, 2013
2013, posted December 31st, 2012, 1 comment
Chicken Alert!, posted November 2nd, 2012, 2 comments
Christmas...In August?, posted August 12th, 2012, 2 comments
Tokens, posted August 7th, 2012, 6 comments
Waiting For Xrays, posted July 25th, 2012, 2 comments
Cedric -vs- Henley, posted June 30th, 2012, 2 comments
Neighborhood Horse, posted June 22nd, 2012, 3 comments
Did You Know..., posted May 3rd, 2012
Addictions, posted February 9th, 2012, 8 comments
Bath Time, posted February 5th, 2012, 1 comment
Family Christmas x 3., posted December 29th, 2011, 2 comments
SomeGuy, posted December 21st, 2011
What Am I Doing?, posted November 1st, 2011, 3 comments
Going the Extra Mile, posted October 28th, 2011, 2 comments
The Best You Can, posted August 23rd, 2011, 8 comments
Yard Work, posted July 17th, 2011, 2 comments
What Words Can Do, posted June 6th, 2011, 2 comments
EP Romances, posted April 19th, 2011, 2 comments
Just Go!, posted April 14th, 2011, 2 comments
Cedrics Great Adventure, posted April 10th, 2011, 2 comments
Talking Cars and Other Miracles of Modern Technology, posted March 22nd, 2011, 6 comments
Rest In Peace., posted January 4th, 2011, 1 comment
Tis The Season..., posted December 15th, 2010
APPRECIATION DAY, posted September 14th, 2010
Wandering Through The Zoo, posted August 14th, 2010
Choices, Conversations, and Consequences., posted August 12th, 2010
Untitled Poem, posted July 18th, 2010
The Single Life, posted July 14th, 2010
Miracle, posted July 2nd, 2010
Mad Season, posted June 29th, 2010
A Dogs Life, posted June 27th, 2010
Who Said?, posted June 24th, 2010
I've Been Thinking, posted June 20th, 2010
Sorry...I Don't Cyber, posted June 14th, 2010
On Dying, posted June 5th, 2010, 11 comments
Inner Peace, posted June 4th, 2010
Jacobs Rain, posted June 1st, 2010, 1 comment
Memories, posted May 23rd, 2010
Haunted, posted May 19th, 2010, 1 comment
"How do you feel?", posted May 7th, 2010, 3 comments
Sixty Years and Counting, posted May 3rd, 2010, 1 comment
Cedric Versus The Woodchuck, posted April 24th, 2010, 2 comments
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